Recommended Adult Books for Parents Who Conceive Children Through Assisted Reproductive Technologies

Compiled from Various Sources as of May 2024, by Colleen M. Quinn, Esq., The  Adoption & Surrogacy Law Center, Fellow – AAAA & AAARTA,  www.reproductionattorney.com

The IVF Dad: What I Learned on My Infertility Journey…And How It Can Help You

Indeed, one out of every eight couples goes through infertility, and it’s frankly awful. There are complicated medical terms (What’s an IVF, and how is it different from an ICSI?), exhaustive attempts to conceive (Did we do it at the right time? In the right position?), and plenty of emotional turmoil to boot (Are we…ever going to be parents?)

Keegan Prue knows this all too well: he’s been there, having battled infertility for nearly five years. Over those years, he noticed a lack of resources specifically designed for men going through infertility. Thus, THE IVF DAD was born.

  • By: Keegan E. Prue
  • Publication: 2022
  • Intended for Expectant Fathers
  • Available on Amazon

Your Future Family: The Essential Guide to Assisted Reproduction (What You Need to Know About Surrogacy, Egg Donation, and Sperm Donation)

Your Future Family provides a roadmap for navigating the journey of building a family through assisted reproduction. It outlines the very first steps you should take, the options available to you at each turn, and includes essential advice and tips to help set you up for success. Filled with personal anecdotes from Bergman’s own life, as well as the lives of her clients, this book brings the human element of creating a family this way to life.

  • By: Kim Bergman,
  • Publication: Red Wheel, 2019
  • Intended for Parents
  • Available on amazon.com

Psychoanalytic Aspects of Assisted Reproductive Technology

This book stems from the author’s clinical experience working with infertile women in psychotherapy and psychoanalysis. It highlights the crucial importance of integrative work of psychotherapists and psychoanalysts with reproductive medical specialists in assisted reproductive technology (ART).

  • By: Mali Mann
  • Publication: Routledge, 2018
  • Intended for Parents
  • Available on amazon.com

Infreakinfertility: How to Survive When Getting Pregnant Gets Hard

This is the funniest book you’ll ever read about the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. Each chapter covers a different challenge with infertility and is broken into sections, a little of my story and concerns, a blurb from my husband, Alex, kind of a window into his dudely brain, and practical tips on how to cope. Read it yourself, read it as a couple, and if you’re struggling to explain your feelings to friends and family, hurl a copy at them and run away.

  • By: Melanie Dale
  • Publication: 2018
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available on Amazon

Surrogacy: An Essential Guide to the Surrogacy Process, Surrogacy Costs, and Finding a Surrogate Mother

Are you unable to have a baby through conventional means? Would you like to have a child but are hesitant to adopt because you want to have a biological connection to your baby?

Then you might be interested in the wonderful process of surrogacy! A surrogate mother carries and delivers your baby for you, if ever you are unable to do it yourselves. Surrogacy is becoming a popular option for infertile, same-sex, and older couples who wish to have a child of their own and start a family. However, before deciding whether this is for you, you must first understand the steps, costs, and possible risks that come with it. The process of surrogacy can be a legal, financial, and emotional minefield for those unaware of what to expect. This book is therefore specifically designed to shed light on this process for anyone considering surrogacy to help you determine whether this process might be for you.

  • By: Dianne Whitfield
  • Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (February 13, 2015)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

Successful Surrogacy: An Intended Parents’ Guide to a Rewarding Relationship with their Surrogate Mother

Whether couples pursue surrogacy to combat infertility or because of a preexisting condition (or two men seek to have a child together), surrogacy can be fraught with anxiety, concern, and fear of the unknown and it’s easy to see why—how can anyone trust a virtual stranger to carry their baby for them? Couples wonder if it’s awkward to watch another woman pregnant with their child. And what would possess someone to be a surrogate mother in the first place? Successful Surrogacy: An Intended Parents’ Guide to a Rewarding Relationship with Their Surrogate Mother is the only book of its kind in the world of infertility resources. It provides intended parents a first-hand look at the gestational surrogacy process from start to finish from a surrogate mother’s perspective and addresses their concerns and questions every step of the way.

  • By: Susan Fuller
  • Publisher: Roosevelt Academy Press (October 21, 2015)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

Our Journey: One Couple’s Guide to U.S. Surrogacy

 This book is a fascinating personal story that describes from start to finish the journey of a couple based in the U.K. undertaking IVF and surrogacy in the U.S. Written as their story it is also a detailed step by step guide that aims to help those starting out on the road to parenthood via surrogacy. Each chapter is a different step of that journey, and it gives the reader an incredibly detailed insight into what to expect along the way. The chapters end with very practical questions and tips that the reader should be asking. This book raises pertinent questions targeted specifically for intended parents to analyze what should be done and when. In highlighting certain issues, it enables those embarking on the surrogacy journey to become much more informed about the issues that will come up. Although this book is about two men creating their family in the U.S it looks at the thought process and decisions required around IVF and surrogacy. It has been written in a way that anyone considering surrogacy can learn more about the journey and hopefully can gain insights into what to expect. It has been written so that the chapters are virtually stand-alone; if one part is not relevant it can be skipped, and the next chapter read. The aims of the book are to demystify surrogacy and to simplify the decision making involved at every step. But the real goal of this book is to help others have a single unbiased reference guide on the whole IVF and surrogacy process.

  • By: Richard Westoby
  • Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (December 30, 2013)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

Considering Surrogacy 

The purpose of this book is to provide a factual yet balanced report on both sides of the surrogacy process. On the one hand you will find out who can become a surrogate mother and the processes needed to make that happen. But there is also a lot of information contained in the book for those people who are looking at engaging a surrogate mother to carry their longed-for child. The book explains the legality of the process (it is different according to what state you live in); who can be a surrogate; what costs and payments are involved and how to deal with some of the issues associated with surrogacy such as the emotional bond between mother and child, what to do when things go wrong and how to make the whole surrogacy process as positive as it can be.

  • By: Lisa Oliver
  • Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (February 23, 2012)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

Telling and Talking

A valuable set of resources discussing how to talk through issues arising from assisted reproduction for parents and their children at various stages. Delivers a guide for discourse to ensure family stability and growth.

  • By: Olivia Montuschi
  • Publisher: Donor Conception Network (2006)
  • Intended for Parents and Children at various ages
  • Available at donor-conception-network.com

Mommies, Daddies, Donors, and Surrogates

If you need help having a baby, reproductive technology can supply the answer. But it also raises a host of questions that won’t arise until after the child is born: What will you say to “Where did I come from?” when the answer includes a donor or surrogate? Will knowing the truth about how you conceived make your child love you less? Will having a baby with someone else strain your relationship with your spouse or partner? What will grandparents, family members, friends, and coworkers think? Dr. Diane Ehrensaft–a developmental and clinical psychologist who’s worked with families formed using assisted reproductive technology for more than 20 years–helps you anticipate the big questions and find solutions that are right for you and your loved ones. Dr. Ehrensaft offers information, support, and straightforward advice for coping with private worries, confronting public prejudices, and raising happy, healthy children.

Single or married, straight or gay, anyone looking forward to the joys and challenges of building a family with the help of a donor or surrogate will discover a wealth of thought-provoking ideas and fresh insights in this sensitive, practical, and positive book.

  • By: Dr. Diane Ehrensaft
  • The Guilford Press; 1 edition (July 6, 2005)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

Having Your Baby Through Egg Donation

 The most thorough exploration of the medical, ethical, and psychological aspects of egg donation currently in print, including sections on how, when, and who to tell.

  • By: Ellen Glazer
  • Publisher: Perspectives Press (April 2005)
  • Intended for Parents Considering Reproductive Assistance
  • Available at amazon.com

Building a Family with the Assistance of Donor Insemination

A detailed description of how to plan for a live in a family built with the assistance of donor insemination. A good resource for parents of children born through ovum donation, sperm donation, surrogacy, gestational care, and embryo donation.

  • By: Ken Daniels
  • Publisher: Dunmore Press (2004)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

Pathways to Parenthood: The Ultimate Guide to Surrogacy

Pathways to Parenthood is a how-to guide to Surrogacy. It covers Gestational Surrogacy via IVF as well as Traditional Surrogacy via Artificial Insemination. The mystery that surrounds Surrogacy is demystified and everything is broken down into layman’s terms. This book will take you from deciding if Surrogacy is the right path for you, to contact with your surrogate after the delivery and everything in between. You will learn about the legal, medical, as well as the emotional aspects of choosing Surrogacy as your pathway to parenthood. You will be given the pros and cons of using an agency as well as going about it on your own.

  • By: Stacy Ziegler
  • Publisher: Brown Walker Press (November 1, 2004)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

Experiences of Donor Conception, Parents, Offspring, and Donors Through the Years

Fascinating exploration of using donor conception (egg donation, sperm donation, embryo donation), which draws heavily on firsthand experiences of parents, offspring and donors and includes the author’s own family story. Special emphasis on how and when to tell children and “real life” examples of family’s experiences. Strongly supportive of openness with children.

  • By: Caroline Lorbach
  • Publisher: Kingsley Publishers (2003)
  • Intended for Parents and Children in Assisted Reproduction Families
  • Available at amazon.com

Choosing Assisted Reproduction: Social, Emotional, and Ethical Considerations

Comprehensive overview of IVF, GIFT, ZIFT, ICSI, ovum donation, sperm donation, surrogacy, gestational care, and embryo donation which helps fertility patients think through the psychological, social, and ethical implications of these procedures. Suggestions on how and when to tell children about their origins is included.

  • By: S. Cooper & E. Glazer
  • Publisher: Perspectives Press (1998)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

The Long-Awaited Stork: A Guide to Parenting After Infertility

 One-of-a-kind resources for parenting after infertility including sections on what (and when) to tell your child about their conception and/or birth, who else to tell, and how to handle lingering feelings of loss. Appropriate for parents of adopted children; sperm donor, egg donor parents; parents who used surrogates; parents of special needs kids; and parents raising children conceived in different ways.

  • By: Ellen Glazer
  • Publisher: Jossey Bass Press (1998)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available at amazon.com

Building Your Family Through Egg Donation – What You Will Want to Know About the Emotional Aspects, Bonding, and Disclosure Issues 

Psychosocial implications of egg donation including sections on egg donor screening, motivation, bonding, disclosure issues; guidelines for telling your maturing child about the gift, and more. 

  • By: J.S. Friedman
  • Publisher: Jolance Press (1996)
  • Intended for Adults
  • Available through the Author

Flight of the Stork: What Children Think (And When) About Sex and Family Building

This book is about how kids think about sex, reproduction, and how families are created. It is not necessarily specific to kids conceived through ART, but the information on the developmental stages of a child’s understanding is very helpful for parents when discussing the special way the child was conceived. Enlightening interviews with children aged 3-12 provide insight into the minds of young children and how their concepts and questions about sex and reproduction change over time. This version includes references to donor insemination, assisted reproductive technology and surrogacy. This book was revised in 1994, but the information on child development is still current. Valuable resource for parents in communicating with their children about the special circumstances of their origins.

  • By: Anne Bernstein
  • Publisher: Perspectives Press (1994)
  • Intended for Parents and Children at various ages
  • Available at com

Choosing to Be Open: The Experiences of Parents

Short book consisting of conversations with 52 parents who participated in group discussions to talk about their experiences being open about donor conception.

 

Special thanks by Colleen Quinn to those who compiled before me:

Dawn Davenport – Creating a Family. http://www.creatingafamily.org/

Diane Hinson – Creative Family Connections, AAARTA Fellow. https://www.creativefamilyconnections.com/index.html

The Education Committee, Spring 2007, of the Mental Health Professional Group of the American Society for Reproduction Medicine (ASRM): Kim Kluger-Bell, MFT, Chair, Jana Frances Fisher, Ph.D. Jennifer Adams, Ph.D. (based on the Children’s Bibliography compiled by Elaine Gordon, Phd, and Ellen Speyer, MFT)

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